36

Yesterday was day ten in a row of work, so I took it off from exercise. I went to the gym this morning, and plan on going on a run in a little while. At least two miles, hopefully more.

38

My sister has many of the same struggles as I, namely in that we have a tendency to be short dumpy white girls who love to eat. This works quite powerfully against our desires to be the kind of sexy young(ish) women that men desire and all the women look on full of envy. The quest to become such a woman is full of many pitfalls and near constant distractions. Our very selves are distractions. Our desires are divided, with one part of our person lusting for size four jeans and vibrant energy, telling us that we should never eat pizza again, once we finish this slice. Meanwhile the person we carry about with us through work frustrations, romantic squabbles, and the drudgery of lower middle class life craves solace from our cares. We have few places to look to for a quick sense of pleasure in our lives, and the refrigerator is often the closest. Not only does sitting down with a container of ice cream bring delight to our physical selves, but the knowledge that we are doing something selfish and naughty satisfies our desire to defy the mediocre lives that we have been given. By rebelling against moderation we momentarily feel that we are the ones in power, and that it is within out grasp to bring joy to ourselves. I often even revel in the knowledge that such sins will contribute to my inability to fulfill society's ideal of beauty.
Of course all such sense of triumph vanishes in the morning as we struggle to zip up our pants, which becomes one more frustration tacked on to all the others, increasing instead our need to feel that the world is doing something for us in return. Biting into a warm cookie and sipping cold milk is as close as many of us come to being fed grapes while a servant boy fans us on our divan.
In an effort to squelsh the quick fix cookie eating parts of ourselves, my sister and I have entered into a casual competition. We have both wanted to loose weight before our nephew's upcoming high school graduation, but neither of us have made any headway. As we are only two years apart we have always experienced a healthy amount of rivalry, so I suggested we make a contest out of loosing weight. Even when we are tempted to give up on fitting into society's mold, we will still have the motivation of not wanting to be out done by our sibling.
Today I did not get the brownie that I was craving. Instead I took a beautiful two and a half mile run shortly before sunset, and I soaked in the beauty of fluffy clouds and urban decay. I still want the brownie, but I feel happy with myself. And that is a wonderful reward.
P.S. I went to the gym on Monday.

41

Image swiped from deviant art

The plan today was to do some cross training by riding my bike. But I've been having problems with it and can't get the $*&#$ to work. So I sped walked to work. And at work I did a lot of manual labor, so I'm going to call that good.
I am about to start my period, so right now I feel like a whale. Especially since I ate two slices of pizza today. I hate this feeling, and I want to put on sweats and smash all of my mirrors.
Instead I am going to set out a plan for my diet. And when I follow through I will add a star to my calendar.
Sundays are free day, as are public outings (those are very infrequent in my life, got to live them up)
My diet will be roughly low carb. No bread except whole wheat. No rice or pasta. No baked goods, period. I have zero restraint, so I won't lie and tell myself I will just cut back. I know it never lasts. Also, no ranch. I've been in the bad habit of putting that on my salad lately, and then what is the point? Also, no more sweetened cereal.
This will start Monday, and last for as long as I can handle it. But at least two weeks. Hopefully I will make it till the next race.
And hopefully I will feel less whale like then.

42

Yesterday was a prescribed day of rest. Today was a long run, which I am still sweaty and endorphin high from. Six miles! It felt awesome. Especially since I wore my brand new running shorts. Yeah for Khols and their extremely discounted sports wear! Man, that stuff can be pricey. I can't imagine how much some of the people I see have spent on their snazzy outfits. Mostly I wear old work shirts and a skort I bought from American Apparel. But having loose shorts with the built in underwear bit was nice. It kept me cool without making me feel overly naked.

44

Woot, my goals were accomplished. I went to the gym this morning, then took a nice two mile run around the neighborhood. I had hoped it would be a longer run, but since I didn't map it out ahead of time I just made an estimate. Since it was a little short I also walked/speed walked/jogged to and from work, which is a round trip of 2.4 miles. So while I didn't take a "four mile run", I did travel more than four miles today. So, I'll call this a win.

45

Scene from my fire trail hike on Sunday. My phone photo doesn't do justice

This morning I had the pleasure of waking up early so that I could help with a field trip at work. Normally I enjoy these, as the kids are adorable and have such a good time. However this time there were a few to many meddlers helpers, and it was a bit stressful. I took a leisurely walk through the park after work, photographing the incredible clouds that were out. I think that may be all I do today. Maybe. Perhaps after resting up a bit I'll run some with the pup when I take him on his last walk of the day, but I really don't expect much out of myself right now.
Tomorrow however I have a mission. Four miles! Come hell or high water I will go out and finish a run!

46

I made it to the gym today, and I was highly surprised I wasn't sore from my unusually steep walk. Still not happy about my weight (especially since I had to go pants shopping this morning, bleh). Not sure what I will be doing to work on it, but I might go back to low carb at least until my upcoming high school reunion.