36

Yesterday was day ten in a row of work, so I took it off from exercise. I went to the gym this morning, and plan on going on a run in a little while. At least two miles, hopefully more.

38

My sister has many of the same struggles as I, namely in that we have a tendency to be short dumpy white girls who love to eat. This works quite powerfully against our desires to be the kind of sexy young(ish) women that men desire and all the women look on full of envy. The quest to become such a woman is full of many pitfalls and near constant distractions. Our very selves are distractions. Our desires are divided, with one part of our person lusting for size four jeans and vibrant energy, telling us that we should never eat pizza again, once we finish this slice. Meanwhile the person we carry about with us through work frustrations, romantic squabbles, and the drudgery of lower middle class life craves solace from our cares. We have few places to look to for a quick sense of pleasure in our lives, and the refrigerator is often the closest. Not only does sitting down with a container of ice cream bring delight to our physical selves, but the knowledge that we are doing something selfish and naughty satisfies our desire to defy the mediocre lives that we have been given. By rebelling against moderation we momentarily feel that we are the ones in power, and that it is within out grasp to bring joy to ourselves. I often even revel in the knowledge that such sins will contribute to my inability to fulfill society's ideal of beauty.
Of course all such sense of triumph vanishes in the morning as we struggle to zip up our pants, which becomes one more frustration tacked on to all the others, increasing instead our need to feel that the world is doing something for us in return. Biting into a warm cookie and sipping cold milk is as close as many of us come to being fed grapes while a servant boy fans us on our divan.
In an effort to squelsh the quick fix cookie eating parts of ourselves, my sister and I have entered into a casual competition. We have both wanted to loose weight before our nephew's upcoming high school graduation, but neither of us have made any headway. As we are only two years apart we have always experienced a healthy amount of rivalry, so I suggested we make a contest out of loosing weight. Even when we are tempted to give up on fitting into society's mold, we will still have the motivation of not wanting to be out done by our sibling.
Today I did not get the brownie that I was craving. Instead I took a beautiful two and a half mile run shortly before sunset, and I soaked in the beauty of fluffy clouds and urban decay. I still want the brownie, but I feel happy with myself. And that is a wonderful reward.
P.S. I went to the gym on Monday.

41

Image swiped from deviant art

The plan today was to do some cross training by riding my bike. But I've been having problems with it and can't get the $*&#$ to work. So I sped walked to work. And at work I did a lot of manual labor, so I'm going to call that good.
I am about to start my period, so right now I feel like a whale. Especially since I ate two slices of pizza today. I hate this feeling, and I want to put on sweats and smash all of my mirrors.
Instead I am going to set out a plan for my diet. And when I follow through I will add a star to my calendar.
Sundays are free day, as are public outings (those are very infrequent in my life, got to live them up)
My diet will be roughly low carb. No bread except whole wheat. No rice or pasta. No baked goods, period. I have zero restraint, so I won't lie and tell myself I will just cut back. I know it never lasts. Also, no ranch. I've been in the bad habit of putting that on my salad lately, and then what is the point? Also, no more sweetened cereal.
This will start Monday, and last for as long as I can handle it. But at least two weeks. Hopefully I will make it till the next race.
And hopefully I will feel less whale like then.

42

Yesterday was a prescribed day of rest. Today was a long run, which I am still sweaty and endorphin high from. Six miles! It felt awesome. Especially since I wore my brand new running shorts. Yeah for Khols and their extremely discounted sports wear! Man, that stuff can be pricey. I can't imagine how much some of the people I see have spent on their snazzy outfits. Mostly I wear old work shirts and a skort I bought from American Apparel. But having loose shorts with the built in underwear bit was nice. It kept me cool without making me feel overly naked.

44

Woot, my goals were accomplished. I went to the gym this morning, then took a nice two mile run around the neighborhood. I had hoped it would be a longer run, but since I didn't map it out ahead of time I just made an estimate. Since it was a little short I also walked/speed walked/jogged to and from work, which is a round trip of 2.4 miles. So while I didn't take a "four mile run", I did travel more than four miles today. So, I'll call this a win.

45

Scene from my fire trail hike on Sunday. My phone photo doesn't do justice

This morning I had the pleasure of waking up early so that I could help with a field trip at work. Normally I enjoy these, as the kids are adorable and have such a good time. However this time there were a few to many meddlers helpers, and it was a bit stressful. I took a leisurely walk through the park after work, photographing the incredible clouds that were out. I think that may be all I do today. Maybe. Perhaps after resting up a bit I'll run some with the pup when I take him on his last walk of the day, but I really don't expect much out of myself right now.
Tomorrow however I have a mission. Four miles! Come hell or high water I will go out and finish a run!

46

I made it to the gym today, and I was highly surprised I wasn't sore from my unusually steep walk. Still not happy about my weight (especially since I had to go pants shopping this morning, bleh). Not sure what I will be doing to work on it, but I might go back to low carb at least until my upcoming high school reunion.

47

It's not been an easy week for my self esteem. I'm not very consistent with my dieting, but I have made many changes to my eating routine over the last year. I no longer graze all day, and I consume much less sugar. I've been working lately on not eating as much empty carbs as well. It use to be a regular event to eat fried chicken sandwiches on giant buns with a side of fries dipped in mayonnaise (really) with a coke. I still eat more sweets than I should, and every now and then I put ranch on my salad. However I have drastically reduced my fat and calorie intake. Not to mention I've been working out consistently, something I haven't done since I stopped doing ballet in my early twenties.
But somehow my pants still don't want to button, and I've gained back two pounds.
I know I can loose weight, I've done it so many times. But it was always with quick fixes and drastic diets. I thought that by making smarter choices every day I would see results eventually, but the months have gone by while the scale barely wavers. I am glad I am stronger, and I enjoy feeling fit. But what is the point of turning down food I enjoy if I am still going to be fat? I am tired of seeing the same belly in the mirror. I don't know how to loose weight without going on severe diets (low carb worked the fastest for me. Well, not eating at all worked even better, but led to blackouts).
Today after a hike up the firetrail and a walk home I fell prey to ice cream. After eating that I was still hungry, and instead of a suitable meal like salad with a hard boiled egg I ate a brownie. All this after having a lemon bar prior to the hike. The sugar and fat have been oozing through my blood, weighing down my limbs and making my spirit drag on my dusty floor.
I don't know how to discipline myself with a sustainable diet. I have tried counting calories a number of times, but I always grow lazy. When I try eliminating one negative food habit, I overload on the others. I'm not sure what I will do, but I feel like I need to find a plan that I can manage. My goals are often too loftly, and what may sound reasonable Sunday night proves to be too difficult Monday morning.
I can look back and see that I have made progress with running, and this gives me faith that I can control this part of myself as well. I can train my legs to carry this dumpy body for 13.1 miles, which makes me hope I can train my nagging belly to be content with only that which it needs.
I hope

48

I'm not very good at following my own plans. Sigh. Yesterday I went on a three mile run. I wanted to go farther, but it was warmer than expected and both the dog and I are not use to that. I went dancing for a bit last night, so that counts for something. Right?
It's almost one, and today all I've done is sneeze and curse spring. I'm cooking at work tonight, so I don't want to tire myself out before hand (it's pretty darn exhausting work), but I will at least do some core work. Lets say... 20 minutes of crunches and such with a touch of squats? Yeah, I can manage that. Once I start breathing again. Work harder claratin!

50

Fail.
I don't know why but I have been super tired. Partially I am to blame from staying up too late a few times, but still I feel more tired than I think I should. I made it to the gym Tuesday and threw in an extra ten minute super speed run on the elliptical. Yesterday I ended up switching shifts so I couldn't go to the gym in the morning. I planned on running before work, but couldn't muster the energy to wake up early enough. I ran down the block and back with the dog, but that doesn't really count. After work I had other obligations that kept me busy until bedtime.
So now I am behind 2 miles and a gym visit. I'm off to the gym now, and I'll take a run after. Hopefully a long enough run to count as more than a quicky.

53

I am pleased to discover my line dancing stamina is greatly increased since I've taken up running. However my feet are not use to boots any more, or to various line dance moves. My arches are still sore, but it was worth is.
I only slept four hours Saturday night, then worked from 7:30 am to 10:30 pm yesterday, so today I slept in. Since then I have done the taxes and walked to dog. I would like to workout, but I don't think it will happen. I'll probably spend a few minutes stretching, as the weekend has left me stiff and sore. But that will be all for the day.

Monday weigh in 157, damn. I've gained weight. I haven't been eating very well, as I've been stressed. Also I've been poor, which makes it hard to pass up the unhealthy free food that work has to offer. This week I am cutting out sugar, I ate too much this past week.

Plan for the week:

Monday: rest like a slug

Tuesday: gym circuit plus 2m run

Wednesday: gym circuit plus 20 minutes elliptical or bike

Thursday: 5m run

Friday: easy gym circuit plus some yoga

Saturday: 4m run

Sunday: rest

56

Just the gym today. I might do some stretching later, I feel a little tense. Right now however it is nap time. I am hoping to go line dancing tomorrow night, so I need to make sure I'm well rested. You know you are getting a little older when you have to save energy a few days in advance just to party one night!

57

A round of gym time, followed by a great deal of kitchen fun (god I love days off in the kitchen!), followed by a two mile run by the water, followed by eating the fruits of my labor. It was a damn good day.

58

Another gym trip this morning with an extra cardio session on the bike and the elliptical. I spent an extra 20 minutes on them combined. Now that the rain has eased up I need to get back outside for some real running.

59

I didn't get much sleep last night for a few reasons, and because of that I woke up tired and very cranky. But I made myself head to the gym anyways. My workout was lackluster and I'm still cranky, but I made it through the circuit. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

60

I am now counting down to the See Jane Run half Marathon in Alameda.

Today I got waylaid by work before I could get to the gym. I did get about two miles of brisk walking and running in later.

Rest and Recover

I run like a goober.

I've been to the gym twice this week and I've jogged about a bit while walking the dog, but mostly I'm resting. Not only was I tired from the race, but the flu and severe allergies have left me weak. So I'm enjoying an easy week and spending time with my guest. She leaves in a few days, so I plan on getting back into the swing of things Monday. Which will also start my diet. My ten year reunion is coming up and while I don't really care what people think of my tummy there, it is a good goal to work towards as a little motivation. I would like to be down to 145 by then. My plan is to cut white flour and grains from my diet on week days. Since I have easy access to many tasty carb filled treats, limiting myself to only those made from whole wheat and brown rice will make it much more difficult to indulge. Saturdays and Sundays will be free days for now, but if I find I'm indulging too much then I will have to alter my plan.